Blame it on the boobs

So there's a lot of things going on here. I'm going to start with the wearing white after Labor Day rule. I originally thought that you couldn't wear white after the aforementioned holiday. My reluctance to wear such color is not so much that people would snicker and point in my direction and say "Doesn't she KNOW?!?!"

My reason is so that I don't get bitch slapped by the queen of fashion, Fe, for committing one of her fashion Faux Pas. This being said I have two dilemmas.

One, I've gained some weight. There, I said it. White is not the most flattering color on a grande booty. Just to be fair (to me and my ego)...I am not a whale by any means. I weigh a whopping 115 soaking wet...I think. I can still boast about being able to fit into my 7 for All Mankind jeans (size 25) and not look like overstuffed sausage in a denim tube. Unless I run them thru the dryer. Different story...We'll chat about it another time.

The reason for the weight gain is a number of things. The obvious...I'm getting older and my metabolism is slowing down. Good logical reason, but I refuse to accept it. My dad is still skinny at 50. My genetic makeup is more bizarre than Spiderman's.

Another reason is PMS. I'm puffy this week. I'm taking water pills to help dispatch the water from my body. But, what the hell? It makes me thirsty. How do I lose water if I'm constantly quenching my insatiable thirst. I don't get it. A friend suggested laxatives. They are too unpredictable. Gotta be careful with those. I don't want to be shopping for something white only to have it kick in when I'm in the dressing room. (Does anyone have any toilet paper?)

The third reason I'm leaning towards with the weight gain mystery is my boobs. We all have them. I got mine installed 9 months ago. A lot of people say that most women subconsciously gain weight after installing fun bags to compensate for the extra volume added to the body. All weight gain is subconscious though isn't it ladies? I know I added an extra 2 pounds to my weight, one on each side of my chest...But where did the other 10 pounds come from?

The second dilemma I have about wearing white is that last night I tried on a number of outfits to decide what to wear to the Grand Finale White Party this Saturday. My conclusion. I'm not happy with what I have, but I'm not going shopping like this (PMS), in this condition (gained weight for one of the three reasons above).

Bottom line, I'm feeling a little thick, I have a huge party to go to this weekend, and I have to wear all white.

Clear the door...The whale is coming thru. Keep me away from the buffet. I just might hurt mahself...or someone else.

All in all, I will just blame to boobs for the extra pounds and keep snacking away on my Twizzlers and Coke.