The Ex-Factor

so it turns out that i have issues...wait let me re-phrase, not issues, i have subscriptions. i got an out-of-the-blue call from my ex-husband today. he needed some information from me like which catholic church i was baptised at and what year. he has to get our marriage annulled before he can join the catholic church. cool! that means i don't have to feel guilty about checking the 'single' box instead of the 'divorced' box every time i go to the doctor or have to fill out random forms. bonus! my first question was 'do i have to change my name back to my maiden name?' i would have been very sad if i had to. :)

so i hang up the phone and just lost it. i mean, i have been divorced for 7 years now and my ex doesn't phase me in the least. it's done, it's over, i have no feelings towards the guy. what made me upset is that i am officially a loser. chevy pepped me up and said "You’re like the hottest, smartest, best-dressed, fun single girl I know!" but i find it disheartening that an overweight workaholic cop can find love yet i'm constantly getting dumped or no one wants to really hold on to me, unless they are obsessive, possessive or just plain nuts.

then my friend 'dr. monica' nailed down what my problem was. i specialize in seeking out non-committal men. i feel so guilty about leaving my hubby way back when that i don't think i deserve a guy who will give 100%. it's like i literally attract the non-committing types of guys. i think it's true to some point. looking back at my track record, i seek out the men that are emotionally unavailable. they are like honey to me. i zoom in on those guys right away. i can spot them in a crowd and i start migrating towards them. i sabotage myself by getting involved with people that i know have a relationship shelf life.

so i'm going to try to break my cycle. i'm not ready to date obviously because i'm still hauling baggage around. there's nothing cute about a hot girl with baggage...and we all agree, i'm hot.

so i'm in limbo. it's nice to have someone by my side, but i know i'm just going to get involved with some dude who will leave in two years because he's bored and that's how he operates. i'll just watch movies with my cats. they are the only men who haven't left me yet.

wow, this was a sad post. i'll try to think of some clever and fun stuff to say next time. today just isn't my day. but i'm going to see the bad boys of rock tonight with my friends, so i'm very stoked about that!